Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
