she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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