Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
