It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize