How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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