I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
