True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
