Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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