she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
