Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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