Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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