Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
