Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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