Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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