Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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