Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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