You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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