By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
