speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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