There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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