hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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