"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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