he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
