eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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