so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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