I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
