I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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