I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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