Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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