Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
