he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
