I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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