why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
