If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
