The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
