4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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