It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
