I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
