I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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