So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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