Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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