I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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