Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
