I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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