well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
why do cheetos always look like penises
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
