well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
