What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
