before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
