so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
As shirtless as possible
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
