All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
