And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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