Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
