Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
