My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
