remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
