Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
