You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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