Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
