So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
