Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
