It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
