All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she woke up with a sticky ear
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
