my mouth tastes like poor choices
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize