last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
