We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You pole danced in your parka.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
