Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
honey bunches of taint.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
