i would punch a child for taco bell
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
