I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
